Tuesday, November 4

regret no[every]thing

People always talk about experience as if it were the best thing you could seek. In seeing new things, feeling new things, learning, growing, being different versions of yourself in different contexts. We push this. Go get the experience, go stretch your mind, go and experience change. We encourage experience, but we never give a warning. We do not talk about how you can never un-experience something, about how there are things not worth experiencing. There are things I wish I had never seen, never felt and never endured. With difficult experience comes change and growth and these are good things, but sometimes parts of us change in ways that we don't want them to. Sometimes we lose parts ourselves that were good. But we don't talk about this, because to talk about it would be to expose the facade that our generation has so delicately constructed. That life is out there for you to obtain. That the world wants to experience you exactly how you are. But it doesn't. Life has its secret standards and restrictions and it will always be holding you accountable. These standards follow us around, lurking the the shadows of our mistakes. mocking us for trying to hard, shaming us for not trying at all. never pleased, never loving. Because life doesn't love you. Its a one way street. And its not a bad thing as long as you recognize it and prevent yourself from being misled into thinking that life wants to give you good things. God does, but life, life is indifferent. And it will allow you to experience some terrible things if you go out looking for them and sometimes even when you don't. Im not saying that all experience is bad. I have seen and felt many beautiful things by taking risks. I think there is so much freedom in being fearless and being authentic with the world and learning as good things happen and growing when bad things happen. Its not black and white. It's grey, and grey has always been dangerous. This is no reason not to open yourself up to the world. Just understand that when you do, and when life throws experience at you all at once and all over the place, you will never be the same. And you will gain, but you will also lose. And with each new thing that attempts to break you and mould you, fight for the things you don't want to lose. Don't compromise what your not willing to live without for the sake of experience. 


Jill said...

love this

Jill said...

"Experience: that most brutal of teachers. My God, do you learn."
C.S. Lewis