Sunday, May 5

If I Told You It Smelled Like Memories In A Good Way, Would You Know What I Mean?


I have taken many things for granted in my life. The smell of my home is one of them. The place where I grew up... it smells like childhood.

It smells fresh. Like flowers in the spring, and clean laundry and air, if that makes sense. It smells comfortable. Like walking out of the stuffy office and into the outdoors. Like you didn't realize how badly it smelt before, until you realized what it could smell like.

It feels comfortable. Like taking off tight shoes that you didn't realize were hurting your feet until you untied them. It feels calm. amidst the craziness that goes on within these walls, it feels eerily calm. Like nothing could hurt you here.

Don't misunderstand me. Home has hurt. But it was gentle in its hurting. It was comforting me as I screamed.

It's the colour of these walls that bring me back to a time when I didn't know what I had. This home thing that is so difficult to recreate elsewhere. So difficult to attain in the instability of your early twenties.

I can't get over how good you smell.

Saturday, May 4

It's Been Too Long, It's Time To Move On

I am going to miss the way Shane asks me if I want a coffee from Tim Hortons everyday when he goes. Even though he knows I don't, he still asks, every time. I'm going miss that.

I am going to miss getting iced coffee with Kelsey, I am going to miss being around someone who appreciates Starbucks iced coffee the way I do, someone who gets it, and understands that going to get it IS doing something with your afternoon.

I am going to miss the way Shane talks about himself in the third person, and makes up songs about how awesome he is, and how he dances, always with the dancing.

I am going to miss how on the same page Kesley and I are about home decor. I am going to miss our teal kitchen table, and fresh flowers just because.

I am going to miss wine Tuesdays or Thursdays or Saturdays or any day really. I am going to miss having Kelsey there to justify wine time, because life is hard.

I am going to miss how sometimes they care. Like really care about how your day was.

But I am looking forward to change,

I am not going to miss the fact that every single baseboard in the house is unattached. I am not going to miss propping them up every time they get bumped and being angsty while I sweep.

I am not going to miss sharing a bathroom with a boy.
Shane has many great qualities, his ability to use a toilet brush is not one of them.

I am not going to miss our ghetto front door with our screen that locks you in or out.

I am not going to miss the fluctuating roommates and the fluctuating rent. I never thought I would crave stability. But I am craving a lot of things I never imagined I would these days.

Change is difficult. Deciding on change is difficult. But it is also good for your soul.

Sometimes, God puts us in difficult situations. To teach us, to help us grow, to show us that we can be people of character and that we have the power to change our circumstances. Sometimes he doesn't give us an easy way out, so that when we have to walk straight ahead into the dark and hard places in life, and we overcome, we know who did that for us. We know not to take credit. We know that if necessary, we could do it again.

I often get frustrated because I get consumed by things that don't matter.

Sometimes you have to realize that not every situation in life will be perfect and that sucky things can also be amazing things and that getting your way isn't everything and that it is important to grow up and stop complaining about things and deal with what's making you unhappy.

It's been too long, it's time to move on.

Wednesday, May 1

My Relationship With Lord of the Rings

LOTR!! This is what I always see.......This is what I always hear.

Let me just start off by saying that I am not a huge fan of fantasy. My favourite 'genre' in regards to writing would definitely be non-fiction prose. That is my passion, that is where I find all of the things. When it comes to television, I basically just love independent films. Because they are weird and quirky and full of emotion and truth. I didn't actually realize that all my favourite movies were independent films until I went out looking for something they had in common. Turns out I was into Indie and didn't even know it. Isn't that always the case. Then came Lord of the Rings. I had heard of the books before the movies, but when they came out, I didn't even bother. I knew they were a "big deal" and that they were "super awesome" but I judged them by their cover and their fan group. I wouldn't like it, of that I was sure. And this isn't a love story. I am not about to tell you about the first chance and second chance and third chance I gave Lord of the Rings and how it stole my heart. It didn't. Though I did give it three chances. All of these chances occurred at Lord of the Rings Marathons. You know, because when i think I am going to hate something I usually decide to cram as much of it as I can, in as little time possible, really not let myself ease in. makes sense? No. No it doesn't make sense. Yet that is what happened the first, the second, and the third time I have seen these movies. Why do I consider putting myself through something I only enjoy a little. Because granted I do enjoy the movies a little. Now that I've seen them, and now that I know whats going on. But love them, no. Would watch them on my own, nope. What is it that draws me to these marathons? Well, I am a sucker for a good time. And when you cram 20+ people into a room for like 24 hours, good times are bound to be had. All the laughing. All the cuddling. The more I grow up and the more I learn about myself, one thing becomes obviously clear to me. I live in fear of missing out. So whether or not I will ever watch these movies again, there is one thing I know for sure. When you say movie marathon, while I pretend to think about it and weigh out my other, much cooler options, I'm pretty much already waiting at your door.