Friday, December 28

Life Is Terrifying.

One thing that the downloading generation cannot kill is live music. Live music holds a power that none of us can explain, or understand. It stirs up passion and fear into the hearts of those that listen, in that dim lit room with a crowd of people all listening to the beating of someone else's heart and accepting it for exactly what it is. There is no judgement. There may be judgement of style, or delivery, but never of the heart. Never about the way the lyrics come from their creator to us. Never about the way it changes our outlook on everything. Tonight I was impacted by someone's view on life, and I came to the realization that I am so so scared of it. There is something romantic about fearlessness. About not holding your breath, and about jumping off the cliff just to see what it will feel like on the way down. About knowing what you want and doing what it takes to get it. About confidence in a world out to crush you. But the problem with fearlessness is that there is so much beauty in our world and so many people and moments and circumstances that are breathtaking just in their existence, just because they are, and I'm scared of not being able to witness it all. Like there is not enough time and too many obstacles for me to be able to appreciate all of life goodness. I am terrified that I won't figure it out in time or that ill make too many mistakes. That i'll make the wrong ones, the ones that end friendships and cause distance rather than the ones you learn from or get tattooed on to your body. I'm afraid of not being in each moment and of being old and not knowing how I got there. I'm afraid of being rejected by people that I give too much of my soul too. I'm afraid of not giving up any of me in fear of being rejected. I'm afraid that ill miss it, life and all of its beauty, because I lived too carefully. I'm afraid of being alone. Life terrifies me because of how wonderful it is and live music reminds me of that fear, but also exhilarates me, because it challenges me to over come it, and to be courageous in spite of the possibility of loosing everything.


Jill said...

bahh i love this. i know what you mean. that overwhelming ache that makes you want pursue every desire,but also hide in bed all day.

Jill said...

and also i love live music.
especially when im there with you.