Thursday, October 11

Little Loves

Today I am overwhelmed with how much I miss my little love.

I often am missing a little love, for I seem to collect them from a variety of places, like souvenirs from trips or times of living somewhere else.

Little loves are those friends who come into your life unannounced. There is not always an instant connection when you first meet, just an instant warmness, a safety, a comfort. Slowly you bond through your acquaintances until the day you hangout without the others. Because you're brave like that.

They are those friends with whom you most feel like yourself and you don't care to imagine the time before you we're friends or a time when you won't be. These are your little loves because they burst into your heart and full you with joy, but don't take ownership there, and allow for others. It doesn't matter what you're doing when with a little love, for the point is to be, not to do, and being is effortless when with them. When with them, nothing ridiculous seems ridiculous and nothing boring seem boring. Being happy feels better and being sad is okay.

The problem is that sometimes little loves are connected to your heart deeper than you realize and when they go away to Europe they leave a big hole in your heart. These little love holes look like afternoons watching friends alone, and living room forts with one occupant. Little love holes taunt you with laughterless nights where everyone gets to sleep on time, with empty Starbucks chairs beside you and homework that gets done way too fast. Little love holes hurt, more than they should and more than people believe because they all see it as just a "little love" hole.

Only you can feel the evidence of their absence everywhere.