Yesterday, as the sun was shining into a perfect square on my living room floor, and I was wrestling over whether to take a catnap or do my school reading, I became 5 again and built a fort. Life has been so crazy lately, with papers, finals, summer plans, student loan applications and work, that I really needed a place where I could crawl in and forget the world. And forget the world I did. all day. and into the night.
Tuesday, March 29
Monday, March 28
Death by crying doesn't exist, though
The headaches feel a bit like it
Death by anger this is true
Just let him go he can't hurt you
Oh little girl this is such a cruel cruel world
This is the first, of a million broken hearts
Sunday, March 20
It's funny how people can have a hold over you. How no matter how hard you try, short of humiliating yourself, there seems to be no way of breaking free. But yet it's in the hold they have on you that you constantly are greeted with humiliation. In the way you act around them, in the way you make it obvious when all you are trying to is regain control over yourself. Like its not a part of your mind that you can control. It's devastating really. and I am completely frustrated with it.
Let it be put on record that this is in no way my choice and that I will not be taking credit for it any time soon.
I have got to figure out a way to break the hold in a less painful way than I have been engaging in these past few years. it hurts too much and takes too long. Sometimes I feel like God is withholding all the answers.
I used to be so naive, and the more I realize how naive I once was, the more I realize how naive I am now.
Saturday, March 12
Starbucks is one of my most favorite places. There is nothing that can't be fixed with an extra hot americano, black. or a vanilla latte on super bad days. okay almost nothing. I go there on average once a day, taking an account for the days when I have self control and don't go at all, as well as the days when I have none and go multiple times. I think I have a problem. But as long as I'm aware of it, I think I'm okay with it. In the past i have increased my visits when the boys I have fancied at different periods in my life were working there. but now I just go for the coffee, not the cute baristas.
All this was ruined in a catastrophic event Friday afternoon when a women with watermelon sized kahunas decided to breast feed and give the store a show at the same time. I have never been more mortified. Your in public lady. Use a blanket or something we do not need to see your whole business. Seriously. Not Cool.