There is so much smoke in the air that summer feels like fall. It's warm. Too warm. The ice cream tub melts before it makes it to the freezer. But there is no sign of the sun. What was meant to be weeks of summer and beaches and rivers and lakes has turned into misery. Misery and movies. I have been to the rental place too many times for the clerk to not notice in the past 3 days. But no amount of indoor activities or cop shows can distract from what's going on outside. The mountain is too close. The helicopters are too slow and the firefighters aren't even that good looking. We all act like life is normal. Like the clouds are out making us blue. But I see it in their faces. Familiar faces that wont make eye contact due to past regrets. Were scared. I want to get too much sun. I want to use my aloe vera. I want to float down the river and to drive with sunglasses on. I want home to feel like home and for august to reappear. I have decided that this is as bad as it's going to get.