Monday, September 21
Is It True That Those Who We Meet Can Change Us, Sometimes So Profoundly That We Are Not The Same Afterwards
"Dare I say I miss him? I do. I miss him. I still see him in my dreams. They are nightmares mostly, but nightmares tinged with love. Such is the strangeness of the human heart. I still cannot understand how he could abandon me so unceremoniously, without any sort of goodbye, without looking back even once. That pain is like an axe that chops at my heart" -Martel
Wednesday, September 16
Sitting here, freshly showered and and hydrated, listening to snow patrol just thinking. Thinking about life, thinking about wanting to re-paint my toenails, thinking about Ellen on American Idol, and thinking about all my failed attempts at relationships. You know, your usual wednesday afternoon topics. When is it time. For the mess and the feelings and the drama to quit and for it to work out. just waiting for it and being sick of it all at the same time. Even now as I sit here and the cool breeze from the window refreshes my skin with a shiver I feel anxious, but I don't even know why. Thats when I realized it. It's here, right here, right now. Love. And it didn't take months of confusion with no change, No hurt or pain with the yo-yo effect of emotions. Love. How come I always forget how much I am in love with Him. God your the only thing that makes sense.
Monday, September 7
Home is where the heart is. A phrase that is so cliché that it is overlooked, yet one that has become so real to me now that without it I feel as if I could not go on. I am back. I choose to say in quesnel, for I no longer like to call one place home. Home is not a place you live, or the people you spend your time with or the place you feel most comfortable. Home, quite simply is where your heart is. My heart is at camp. although the ending day was wished upon for weeks, and the thought of having kids ever one day is slowly being erased from my mind, still the love I have there, the people who make me smile no matter how I feel, and the community of God loving people around me has made it my home. My heart is at PLBC. As everyone settles into dorms, even that intruder in my old room, and the connecting begins. as I miss out on it all, I feel like I have been away from home forever. My heart is here, in the house my father built when I was 7, with my long time BFF Keira who I have known since before my birth, who makes me feel more at home than anyone. and with this new kitten i got just for kicks crying for its mother in my lap. I am back and In a situation like this most would feel broken hearted to be missing and loving so many homes, but as my good friend Zach pointed out to me the other day, Home is where the Heart is, and if my heart is in God and God is in me, my home will forever be, where I am, and where he is. Here, and there, and with you, of course.