Tuesday, April 28
I am standing at the window, awkward for typing, but perfect for everything else. Its morning, the last full day in the land called Surrey. I leave tomorrow. I couldn't have asked for a better way to greet the dawn than I received this morning. The sun is shining and if you pause for a moment and listen, you can hear the birds singing their goodbyes, faintly but beautifully under the loud but joyously sound of the weed eater making the banks look lovely for summer. The wind is hitting my face and blowing my messy hair ascue and I couldn't be happier or more down. The breaking off of vital necessities is not often warmly welcomed and although mildly depressing, there is hope amidst the pain. I feel numb all over, and not just because I cut a nerve in my leg that has yet to recover from my [fall] but more so because I cannot bear to feel what I am about to endure. When a body is put into immense pain, it goes into shock, so that you do not have to experience the full effects of said pain. its like your body's own painkiller, and saying goodbye will be more than I can bear. I had to sit down. the ankle was throbbing and a pulsating wound is no fun. I cannot hear the birds from here, but the faint memory is still ringing in my ears. I am afraid that this resembles what I will feel when I walk away from this place. I will be able to only slightly recall what life felt like when my heart was still intact, and the farther I move away, the more and more I forget it completely. The room is a disaster and although I have all day to pack, organize, repack, and clean. I feel overwhelmed with the task ahead of me.
Tuesday, April 21
So today is day 8 on the countdown. In one week tomorrow I will be headed to the airport. And I will spend the month of May in Thailand. Oh blissful travel and unplanned adventure. Will you prove yourself to be as chaotic as expected and as life changing as planned. Lets just hope I dont want to take to many of the kidlets home with me.
This also means the end of the school year. You have been good. You have been hard. You have stretched me in ways that I didn't know was capable. And now as you come to a close will you release me of this gut wrenching feeling that I am walking away from life itself. One year goes by faster than it sounds. and when you narrow it down to 7 months you realize that life, is far from long enough. I am excited and heartbroken to move on from this period of my life.
Future, you scare me. But I anticipate it with every breath